Have you ever felt overwhelmed by expectations? Those spoken or perceived expectations from others, or your own expectations of yourself? Do you place expectations on others, either spoken or implied? I remember one incident many years ago when my children and I were visiting my parents. On this particular day we had no set plans with my parents. Mom was involved with her women’s group and told us we were on our own for supper. I decided to take my kids to visit their other grandparents who lived about 30 minutes away. We took off before lunchtime with no set time for our return. (I probably should mention that cell phones were not in use by the average person at that point.)

We had a rather long visit with the other grandparents, arriving back at my parents after 6:30 pm. My dad was furious. He had expected us to arrive before dinner time, which was always 6:00 pm at their house. He had made 6:00 pm dinner reservations for us at a nice restaurant without telling me, and we missed it! Even though I was in my mid-thirties he chewed me out like I was a rebellious teenager who had missed curfew. He had an unspoken expectation and it was my fault for not living up to it.

Placing expectations on others without clear communication can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships as it did with my dad. It is unjust to anticipate that someone will fulfill certain unspoken roles or actions especially when they might not be aware of the expectations. It creates undue pressure and sets unrealistic standards, ultimately setting the stage for disappointment and resentment. Likewise, placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves can lead to stress and anxiety, burnout, and a decline in our mental and physical well-being. What’s more, unrealistic expectations can detract from enjoying the present moment.

Today, if you are struggling with feeling overwhelmed by expectations, real or perceived, from others or yourself, stop and take a deep breath. Focus on pleasing God. Align yourself with God’s will rather than others’ expectations (or your own); and “cast all your cares (worries, anxieties, expectations) on [God], because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) Trust in God’s care for you. Then, do the best you can and leave the rest to God.

If you have placed expectations on others that have gone unmet due to miscommunication or even lack of communication, and it has caused a strain on your relationship, remember that as believers, we are called to exhibit the characteristics of Christ to others – empathy, compassion, forgiveness. “Go and be reconciled” is a continuing theme in the New Testament. (See Matthew chapter 5 :22-24, 2 Corinthians 5:18).

My prayer is that we examine our expectations of others and ourselves to be sure they are both clear and realistic and when they are unmet, we apply the “Golden Rule” and treat others (and ourselves!) they way we want to be treated. (Matthew 7:12)

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice, mend your ways, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.” (2 Corinthians 13:11 NASB)

Grace and peace, 

Pastor Pam

NOTE: Pastor Pam Sutherland’s charges include Fort Gibson United Methodist Church at Castlewood, VA and St. Paul United Methodist Church at St. Paul, VA.